FWFWW blog returns: Farmers, wives, Sam and the bloggers return for 2024

The highly anticipated directed-reality (like that phrase?) series, Farmer Wants a Wife returns for 2024.

And with that comes the opportunity to explore and comment through a rural lens with this, just as popular (in our minds) blog, Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives.

While the actual television show is the platform for discussion, this blog is the mint sauce on the roast lamb, the sprinkles on the chocolate icing and the nutmeg on the custard tart; it makes a good thing gooderer (real word, we promise).

Or in the case of the show, perhaps a palatable thing, digestible. There are probably other non-food analogies as well but that's beside the point.

After every episode, your committed blogging team made up of Julia "Sunset" Wythes, Hayley "Picnics" Warden and Ashley "Throw Cushions in the Ute Tray" Walmsley, will dissect and tease out the details of the blossoming relationships on show.

The blogs can all be found in one handy place on our Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives landing page here.

Everyone's not-quite-my-first-choice host Samantha "Sustain My Career" Armytage returns as couple coordinator, and as of now shall hereby referred to as Sam Farmytage, because she lives on a "farm", as will be spelt out several times throughout the series.

Natalie "Our Preferred Host" Gruzlelweskelskeeeksliwski also promises to pop in and provide some relief from another certain host continually banging on about living on a farm with two horses.

Here's a snapshot of the farmers making an appearance this year, in order of age:

Farmer Tom, 22, Tabilk, Victoria

Tom's into cattle and cropping and says he can seem quite serious but actually just has a pretty dry sense of humour.

Sounds like he'll be a bit hard to read.

He's been around, young Tom, having travelled all through Europe including Sweden and Norway.

He's big on food with his signature dish an Italian-style pizza made from scratch. Let's see if that delicacy makes an appearance.

Farmer Dean, 25, Kandanga, Qld

Dean, Deano, Keen Dean, Dean the Machine - all names he may or may not go by.

This beef and watermelon producer is outgoing, easy-going, going-going, hardworking-going and driven-going, apparently.

His bio includes the line: "Have never met a stranger, which means, I get along with everyone." Boy, is he ever in for a surprise.

He also gives advice to "never get stressed". We'll just see about that.

Farmer Dustin, 26, Condobolin, NSW

This cattle, sheep, goat and crop producer doesn't claim to be the ultimate romantic but he enjoys country music.

Dustin makes a mean mashed potato and he's allergic to cats. Cattiness on the other hand, well, that's yet to be tested.

His bio says: "I really love trying new things."

Let's hope one of those new things is being directed to cuddle someone in a cattle race.

Farmer Bert, 30, Wamuran, Qld

It's all horticulture for Bert, a pineapple and dragon fruit grower.

Like an over-fertilised lettuce, Bert says he is rough around the edges but has a really big heart.

Pineapple growing is well entrenched in his family, as he's part of the fourth generation to do it.

This should make for plenty of puns throughout the series.

There's nothing to justify it at this point but could he prove a bit of a player? Early dibs on the phrase, Bert the flirt.

Farmer Joe, 33, Bombala, NSW

Livestock producer Joe has played a bit of rugby league in his time which has taken him throughout the world.

That'll have viewers Googling him for what team he played for and why he's not now commentating on Channel Nine.

"My mum and Madonna were both born on the same day, on the same year and I've proudly inherited the 'Madonna gap' in my teeth to keep the legacy going," Joe said.

We take this as full permission to point out the gap at every occasion from this point on.

There is a notable absence of a more mature gentleman this year, something that's drawn particular interest in recent years.

Perhaps those over the 40-year-old mark are more set in their ways, know what they want and realise the somewhat absurdity of going on national television to develop a relationship.

While the quest for love is a big enough mystery for the show, a similar one exists on the official website which lists the five lads above, as well as Farmer Nick, Farmer Todd and Farmer Zac.

What happened to these blokes? Did the mustering start? Did they meet someone in between the auditions and the taping? Did some sense happen to seep back into their heads?

Their full profiles and even videos are up online which seems a bit unfair. Still, it adds to the circus that is, Farmer Wants a Wife.

So grab a roll of Chux cloth (instead of a box of tissues) and hit that pod coffee espresso button as we embark on another series of Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives.

The first episode of Farmer Wants a Wife will air on Sunday April 14 at 7pm.

For those wanting to get back into the swing, feel free to brush up on some the blogs from previous years, below.