Since hanging up my showgirl sash for good, I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on the year that has been, and the ‘wisdom’ (I use the word very loosely) gained.
- The cure for ‘cluckiness’ is 25 poddy lambs. The clucky little govie who previously begged to take home any lamb more than two metres from its mother despite having 12 poddies at home already, can now be quoted to say “please, for the love of goodness, no more!” after only the third.
- Embrace your femininity. When requested to patch jeans, don’t hold back, use wonderfully bright patterned material, the more pink the better. Not only does it add some spunk to the cattle yards, it is the most effective way to never be asked to patch again!
- If the smoko cupboard is sans baking, prepare for the apocolypse – something is definitely awry!
- The rate of school work completion can be expected to at least triple if there is bribery of going with the boys to chase scrubbers afterward.
- ‘Wifi calling’ is a thing! When your phone starts ringing in the school room (usually a solid hour or more drive from reception), fret not, aliens have not sent down beams of the mythical ‘mobile service’. The appropriate course of action would be to investigate then change your phone setting. It is ill-advised to celebrate this shocking turn of events by sitting on the phone for hours as in reality you are just chewing through all the sacred internet.
- The yardstick of needing to get out more is when you are hanging out for the much-anticipated ‘romantic get-away’ where the most exciting (not being sarcastic, I am pumped!) activities planned are the optometrists and accountant.
- Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Particularly pertaining to items alcoholic in nature.
- When one is frightened half off the throne by a giant arachnid, fear not; Aragog has not descended up your plumbing, it is affectionately known as a ‘mulga spider’.
- Whilst driving a different vehicle to usual, it is recommended to take the difference in bullbar sturdiness into consideration prior to saying ‘she’ll be right’.
- Develop a thick skin. Don’t be feeling too suave with a new bob hair cut as there will surely be a contractor to take you down a peg, asking “Who bang-tailed you?”
– Claire Jackson, 2017 QCL Miss Showgirl