WHEN Barnaby Joyce fronts the national media in Canberra certain outcomes are almost a given; the odd nervous moment, some vivid language and the expression of forthright views laced with thought-provoking contrasts.
In a typically vibrant media conference at Parliament House today, the Agriculture and Water Resources Minister started-off spruiking about record cattle and beef prices before ending with another form of political bull altogether.
He took the strong gathering of largely metropolitan focussed reporters on an invaluable excursion into the world of improved soft commodity prices and why it’s vital to the national interest.
Or at least that was his excuse for calling the media conference - given the current tensions and recurring media obsession with National party leadership, hanging around his neck like a cowbell screaming into a nation-wide megaphone, streaming live on the internet.
Mr Joyce introduced his performance by saying he had just read in the Daily Telegraph this morning what he’d been reading in The Land and Queensland Country Life newspapers “for quite some time”.
“And that is, that in our soft commodity market, especially in the protein market, we have been doing exceptionally well, we've really turned the show around,” he said.
Mr Joyce said if you owned a share in the East and Young Cattle Indicator, since the Coalition came to government in September 2013, “you would have doubled your money” and likewise if you had shares in steers sold through Dubbo.
He said if you had shares in heifers sold through Roma or a share of live cattle sales through Darwin, “you would have more than doubled your money” while pork and lamb would have delivered a 25pc return.
“For other ones that people mightn't hear of but they're exports of our nation such as camel meat, you would be getting close to tripling your money,” he said.
“In things in other markets such as chickpeas and almonds, we've been doing exceptionally well.”
Mr Joyce said his repeat message - that the agriculture sector’s strong performance and positive outlook was linked to national economic growth and opportunity – was also a message for Australian superannuation funds.
Asked about the current national debate over changing the GST percentage rate, he took a jibe at the Labor Party saying they looked, “more like a statement from a fashion show in Milan - when I look across the chamber - rather than any person who's come up with real, Keating-like fortitude”.
Asked to comment on Liberal Senator Cory Bernardi potentially crossing the floor to vote according to his personal position on the GST, Mr Joyce then took the opportunity to vent his spleen at the Greens.
Lucky for Tony Windsor and Rob Oakeshott they’ve both retired; at least for now.
“I support any person's right in any party,” the one-time maverick Queensland Senator said.
“(But) I find it absurd that the Greens say that they're the grand protector of freedom of the individual (yet) have never broken (ranks) as a party block in their history in this place.
“Well, certainly never since I've been here.
“They are ruled with Stalinist-like discipline and they're not allowed to do whatever their hearts might incline them to show differently.”
Mr Joyce said, if you dissent in the Labor Party, “well that's fine, you just get expelled, and this is archaic in the 21st century, just bizarre”.
“The party that crosses the floor more than any other party of course is the National Party because we believe in the liberty of the individual, the freedom of the individual,” he said.
“I'm more fearful of politics when we all decide that nothing will be discussed and, as I say, we'll be too scared to ever open our mouths, to ever try and have some sort of engagement with the Australian people on a key policy idea.”
Ironically, the nervous moments followed immediately after backing liberty in politics when Mr Joyce was asked whether the National party’s leadership speculation, amid the reported retirement of Warren Truss next month, was destabilising his own political team.
“I'm happy if he (Mr Truss) stays there forever, because I'm really excited about building dams - yeah, I'm really excited,” he said.
“Of course there's going to be a time where I want.
“I don't want to stay there forever, but I'm excited about what I'm doing now; building dams, getting things going - that's what blows my hair back.”
After recalibrating, and waiting for the press-pack’s chuckling to diminish, the National Party deputy-leader returned to his safe talking points.
“At some stage, like all of us, Warren will get to a point where he says ‘I think that'll do me’,” he said.
“At that point in time I, and no doubt some of my colleagues, will have an interest in the positions that become available (and) that is an unremarkable statement.
“That is an unremarkable statement; that should be the response of any person in any party if ever asked about a position of leadership.
“If you went over to the Labor Party and said to Tanya Plibersek, ‘Tanya do you have any interest in ever being the Leader of the Labor Party?’ and she says ‘oh no, of course not’, you'd say BS.”
Asked if he would continue as the Agriculture Minister if he became the next Nationals’ leader, Mr Joyce said that particular question contained two hypotheticals.
And to cap it all off, with one last question, he was made to comment on whether he thought former Labor Prime Minister Kevin Rudd should get the United Nations top job.
“I haven't spoken to Kevin Rudd for weeks,” he said.
“I really feel that my blood pressure has reduced since I stopped talked about Kevin Rudd.”